The Horizon

I saw the therapist yesterday. It went well. A lot better than the pdoc. I know now that I had unrealistic expectations and I was frustrated that I couldn't advocate for myself.

The therapist...we'll see what next week is like. It's hard to gauge what therapy will be like on the intake appointment. But she seems like she doesn't take any bullshit, which is what I need probably. I think I learned to play my first therapist too well. Yes, I'm admitting that I may have occasionally been a little manipulative with my therapist. But I don't like to think of myself that way. I always hear that about bpd and it's really hurtful to hear. So the no bullshit therapist should work out. She also seems to know a bit about bpd and bipolar which I didn't think I would find since it's a small city.

I also went to the DBSA support group. That was good. Everyone is a bit older than me but they were nice. I was accepted into the group like i'd always been there. The hubby went with me and they actually broke off into a family group. He said he'd go back, but I think he wasn't being totally honest with me. He seemed really introspective after we came back together and when we were in the car he said that the other partners of people with bipolar, their partners are way more serious than I am. So I don't know. I don't want to scare him but I would like him to have some support even though he says he doesn't need it.

So there's my update. I'm not really sure how I'm feeling today. Kind of normal but really spacy. So this post is not very well written but I'm having a hard time thinking and speaking today.

Oh well. We can't all be eloquent.