Avalanche

I am utterly overwhelmed.

Typically, I am the type of gal who can juggle several things at once. Enjoys it even. But there are too many balls in the air and some of them are invisible. There is too much input and not enough space for output.

I have reached the point of overwhelming input such that my brain has stopped. I cannot think. It is a struggle to even do the simplest task. I can barely manage to get myself presentable every morning, let alone work to my fullest capacity. My brain has stopped. It is sad that every day I lose more and more of my skills. Interestlingly enough it seems to coincide quite nicely with the fact that everyday I lose more and more of my mind. By mind I mean sanity.

I have just gotten back from lunch. Before lunch, i spent an hour doing useless internet surfing. I'm sure there is plenty for me to do. I need to create some kind of list, or plan, to get my life together at work. My desk is constantly a mess with projects I need to follow up on and tasks I need to complete. But I can't do it. I can't find the energy or motivation. I can't put the knowledge of needing to do something to action. My mind and body are at a slight disconnect. How am I to get anything done? I've worked all morning and now I've run out of steam.

I have a meeting in fifteen minutes. How will I focus? How will I come across as intelligent? How--quite plainly--will I function?

They are doing work in the staff room, which is right next to my office. So all week has been pounding and drilling. This morning was filled with nonstop drilling and sawing. It has since stopped but my senses are still overwhelmed.

Seems to be a theme.

Everyday I wonder if I should really be working full-time. But I don't really have a choice.