---

I don't even know how to describe how I feel right now.

My pdoc appointment was...okay I guess. I didn't get any relief out of it. Oh well, at least I got my meds.

I'm supposed to have a therapist appointment tomorrow. If she takes my insurance. The receptionist didn't call me back so I'm assuming all is well.

Tomorrow will be a busy day. I have work, then a dinner, then the appointment, then a DBSA meeting. I guess that's good. I seem to get depressed when I come home. Probably because I finally turn off and it all comes crashing down. I don't know what to do about that.

One of the blogs I read had an entry. She has a daughter who will be arriving to school next week at the college that I work. It was really weird to read that. It was like a connection. And I thought about telling the author this but then I thought, what if it's not appreciated. What if it's like her virtual world invading her real world? That's kind of how I felt when I read the post. So I'll stay silent.


I'm just really, really down right now.

If this is to be meaningful...

Apparently, I like to talk about myself. And apparently I like to talk about myself in a public setting while remaining anonymous. Why might I think this? A) I write more on this blog than I ever have in a journal. B) I post more to this blog than I ever have on my other non-anonymous everyday life blog. In fact, that blog is quite neglected and I might just abandon it.

Now, having realized this revelation, it comes to my attention that if I truly wish this blog to aid me in my (non?)recovery, I should actually write something meaningful and document the things I do--even when they're bad.

So, two nights ago I was in a very very bad place. Even though I had finally found a psychiatrist I think the stress of the weekend and the absence of my husband sent me into the downward spiral to hell. (I'm sure some of you have been there. Maybe even bought a t-shirt?) So I was having a not good time. And did some stupid things. And finally took some Nyquil to put me to sleep so that I wouldn't do an even more stupid thing.

Yesterday, knowing that my husband was working the evening again, I asked my coworker to hang out. And my what a difference in mood. I felt so much better not being alone. By the time I got home I was only by myself for like an hour and a half--two hours tops. And Family Guy was on. Needless to say, I am in a much better place today. Perhaps now that I've crashed and burned (which was some weeks in coming anyway) I'll be better for the rest of this week.

Now if only I can get rid of this boredom. Yes it is 1:30pm. And yes I'm at work. And yes I will conintue to prowl the blog world after I'm done writing this post. I'm sure there's something I could do to be productive, but for the life of me I don't know what it is. I'm looking at my to do list and there's nothing that I need to do right now. Especially not when I only have three hours tomorrow filled with meetings and only an hour and a half on Friday.

Perhaps tomorrow I will have more to do. But for now, I shall prowl.